Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Praise the Lord, and Pass the Ammunition!

Alright! Alright! Alright! Hello, Peoria!

*ahem* you know, I never did forgive my parents for not giving me electric guitar lessons and making me a rock star from a very young age. Either way, today...today!--insert respectful silence here--is the day that we all find ourselves equally blessed in the Yahoo! news feeds. Because today, not like any other day, the world has come to the shining conclusion that I have been trying to beat into their brainy little heads all along. Really it's two conclusions, but we'll work on the one I'm so excited about first.

Your children do NOT need shirts with "Mow Me" or "Too Pretty For Homework" on them! That's right, no more "Juicy" ass pants or tops. That's right, people! You too can have a son or daughter that is not a prick or a whore! And you too can tell your child, "No, you do not need a padded bra or a bikini at five years of age!"

And do you know why? Because Yahoo! says so! This just in, Yahoo! and AshVee have been caught walking, hand in hand, down the boardwalk of love. That's right folks, child pedophilia enouraging clothing is OUT this year. Let us pray that nudity isn't the fad to replace it.

With that being said, I also feel the need to point out the other headline, "Man moves to Oregon to Pay Off Student Loan Debt with Pot Business." Okay, okay, so that isn't the exact line, but come-on people. If we're to the point where illicit drug sales are the best way to pay off your loans, there is a problem. (He paid of 80,000 or 100,000 in four years...too bad he'll spend the next four in prison).

I'm a recently made ex-college student (I didn't graduate, I was dismissed because the school changed how they "graded" withdrawals for transfer students) looking at 65,000 in debt. I'm telling you right now that if selling pot, which really is less medically damning that too much Tylenol, I could pay off all of that in four years, I would grab my spade, watering pail, and Maricle Gro.

This man. This genius. This God among the indebted paid off 80,000 and had almost 50,000 stocked away in accounts and cash. That's 130,000 above his cost of living and cost of doing business! My angle? Make it legal and tax the living FUCK out of it. I'm working two jobs now, and can barely pay off 7,000 a year. This man worked NO real job and paid off 10,000 a year. Genius I tell you.

I bow to a power far greater than my own...except for the prison part...that part kinda sucks.

Deuces and Later Days

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